Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
