I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This is classic penis vs brain.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
