We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
