if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
