i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
