I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
