Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
