i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just want nice things and good sex
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
