After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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