Don't you send me to vm
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
