i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
