I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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