Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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