How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
