I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
