i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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