he wants to bone in the snuggie
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
