forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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