it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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