I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
