I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
