party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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