does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
