I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
