Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
