when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
