when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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