She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think I just sharted jello shots
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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