ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
