Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
