I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
