Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
