I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
