I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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