Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
