I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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