a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
