I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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