We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
