youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Randomize
