Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
