So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
