I am in a vortex of obligation.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
