How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
