Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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