so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
