Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
