I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
