dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
