Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Even the bartender felt bad for me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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