rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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