No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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