i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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