just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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